And They Said The Questions Were Simple

What change do you want to see in your personal life - right now?
I want more friends, more people to have an actual conversation with. I want to taste liberty, practice independence, and speak inspiration.

What change do you want to see in your community & country by 2015?
Less car, more pedestrians and people with bicycle. People will smile to random strangers they meet on street. Schools won't push the students to run merely for scores and the students will be mature and open-minded enough to complement the system. Adults won't lose their sense of humor and teenagers will keep themselves posted with the news because they know it's important. Local TV series won't suck as bad as today and more people will listen to The Beatles.

What sort of programmes or ideas of campaigns would you support?
Generally, any program that leads toward good changes, revolution if possible.
Specially, programs that help people realize how big the role of love in our lives is, the ones that help people rediscover the art of being happy, and the art of laughing.

Ten to One

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to People
1. "Oh kabar gue juga baik, gue di stei itb sekarang hehe lo?"
2. "I'm on the subway, will meet you up in five."
3. "Hey wanna meet up and just talk? Great. Yeah, the usual place. Is eight good? Nice. Okay, bye~"
4. "Your outfit is ugly."
5. "You're so gay."
6. "Your loss, not mine."
7. "Lo liat muka gue. Ada ga gue peduli?"
8. "I brought my car, don't worry about me."
9. "I'm going shopping. This client at work is impossible."
10. "You just made the biggest mistake of your life. You'll regret it."

Nine things about myself
1. I can't stand songs with low bit-rate. They're irritating.
2. I can't cook but I'd love to learn how to.
3. In a hurry, it only take me approximately 3 minutes to get ready to go out.
4. I have weird fascination over Vaseline's petroleum jelly.
5. I wanna try staying at an apartment by myself for a few months.
6. I don't mind going out by myself. No, actually I like it.
7. I really really want to redecorate my room.
8. I want to live abroad.
9. I pick chocolate milk over the plain one.

Eight ways to win my heart
1. Have cool taste of music.
2. Count loose long talks at a coffee shop as a precious moment.
3. Ask me on a random day out, wherever, doing nothing. And make it fun.
4. Have sushi and frozen yogurt with me.
5. Write something for or about me.
6. Surprise me with something nice, and sweet.
7. Cook something that's meant only for me.
8. Tell me something that you know about me that I don't know you do know.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot:
1. Usm itb and other uni exams.
2. My weight.
3. Marshall Eriksen.
4. Tweeting and blogging.
5. Cola.
6. Frozen yogurt.
7. Me.

Six things I do before I fall asleep
1. Salat al 'Isha.
2. Wash my face, sometimes brush my teeth.
3. Prepare school's stuff for tomorrow.
4. Turn the lights off.
5. Stare at the ceiling.
6. Listen to music.

Five places I want to visit
1. New York.
2. German.
3. McLaren's Bar.
4. Beach in winter.
5. My future home.

Four things I'm wearing right now
1. White tee.
2. Black shorts.
3. Green sandals.
4. Undies.

Three bands that I listen to often (Currently)
1. The Beatles.
2. Arctic Monkeys.
3. The 88.

Two things I want to do before I die
1. Make a big career achievement.
2. Build a beautiful house with my partner somewhere sweet.

One confession
1. Usually I hate sharing earphones, it limits my space of movements.

Fives

5 things you think about yourself
Accurate way?
Lyrical, shy, independent, passionate, laid back
Emo way?
Sensitive, moody, longing, loner, loving.
Narcissistic way?
Creative, good listener, self-learner, kind, ...uncommon?

5 things that you do
Stupid things that made you in accident?
Nothing really
The most extreme thing you do?
Trying to slit my skin just to see how deep i can go haha
Something you regret in life?
Not having any particular extracurricular stuff mastered
Your current goal in life?
Got myself into certain college major
Your quote/motto of the day that you do?
"Words are just empty letters"

5 things about your appearance
Which body part you like?
Fingers? haha
Which body part you dislike?
My thighs and calves
Acne problem?
Fortunately nothing serious
If you have a tattoo, where will you put it?
One side of my neck, like Pete's hehe
Fetish?
Nothing really

5 more things about you
Currently likes?
Cereal with cold chocolate milk
Currently dislike?
The weather
Weakness?
Sloth
Ability?
Enduring loneliness
Extra ability?
Err, i can wiggle my ears?

Your 5 confession?
I dance to almost every beat when I'm around my sister
I think my voice doesn't sound so bad when I sing
I have issues with self-confidence
I'm always interested in things related to suicide
I have plenty of very unbelievable confessions left but I'm saving it for my true friend. Ha.

25 Random Things Of Me

...If you're interested. Eh I mean, whatever, here they are;

1. I have my point of view changed by certain TV Series.
2. My current favourite place to dine is Sushi Tei.
3. I've actually made several attempts to write a novel.
4. I'm craving for killer heels at the moment.
5. I'm afraid of getting new haircut.
6. My favourite line from Seabear's I Sing I Swim is "You left your winter clothes and your teeth marks in my skin". Especially the teeth marks part :--)
7. I can't sleep with the lights on.
8. My braces stopped me from nail biting, I used to do it a lot.
   
9. I haven't watch Harry Potter's 5th series.
10. I hate the word tweeople. No offense, I just hate it.
    
11. I'm afraid I'm not as smart as I thought I am.
12. I love it that Peter Doherty pronounces things unclearly.
13. I'm getting sick of chicken nuggets.
14. Grocery and book stores excite me.
    
15. If I really have to choose, I'll pick mineral water over Cola.
    
16. I'm good at DDR.
17. I suck at taking care of my stuffs but I get emotionally involved with them easily.
18. I did remember all--I mean all-- lyrics to Green Day's songs, but they slowly slip away nowadays.
19. Truthfully I kind of like how my family is at the moment and I'm not sure if I want it to change--but it's definitely going to.
20. Some people have mistaken me as a smoker because of my voice. Really.
21. And some thought I dye my hair cause apparently its color turns to reddish purple under the expose of the sun.
    
22. I like the song Silent Night though I'm a moslem. I wonder if that's okay :--/
23. Waking up with an unread Good-Morning text from my boyfriend makes me happy.
    
24. A long long night drive with my boyfriend will be pleasant :--}
    
25. I love romantic stories no matter how cheesy they are.

If you have time why don't you write your own version of the list? I'd love to read it, really.

Ten of Those Things

As mentioned, here I write ten bad habits of mine. Kind of surprised I actually had ten bad habits. I mean, maybe people do, but listing it made them feels... real. Whatever, here they are~

1. I procrastinate everything …Even eating.
2. I unconsciously like to play with my hair and I just look disgustingly inappropriate every time I do that.
3. I curse, a lot. Even the littlest thing like unable to open a ketchup sachet can trigger my curse.
4. I always look for a shortcut before actually trying to finish everything. Sometimes I end up finishing the task twice the time needed not using the shortcut cause it take me rather long to give up on finding the shortcut.
5. I’m nervous and paranoid. I don’t know, I just am.
6. I can’t stop once I sit in front of Nox. Horrible, I think my sight had gotten shorter because of this. It’s just that there’re so many things to explore in the cyberspace!
7. I can’t keep my files organized. Mostly I prefer starting over than to reorganizing the files. I mean, throw it all away and start with blank space. I lost plenty of treasured documents because of this. *Sigh*
8. Verbally, I like to add “pisan” at the end of adjectives which means “Very-something” in English. It’s a West Javanese dialect. This doesn’t sound too good if spoken in my nowadays social activities. My sister gave me this--darn you!
9. I bring Aiden to the bathroom simply because I need music even on shower. Weird. It fell on the wet floor once.
10. I drink a lot of Coke. It helps me release my stress, also headaches. For addition, it tastes awesome!

...So, do we share something in common?
No tags, have a nice week! :--}

I Don't Get You

Don't love too much you'll end up hurting. People say that, same thing as don't hope too high, it will feel worse when you got to fall. But is it really so? To me they sound like a person who's afraid of taking chances, a person who likes to play it safe.

Maybe people tell you that cause they care about you, so you won't get hurt.
But is it really the only point? Not getting hurt?

I hate you, you're not fair. How could you? Now suddenly you build up a tall huge wall, a wall that has never been there before as far as I'm concerned--and I'm always concerned.

I could never act the same, ever again.

...How could you? (sob)

50 First Reactions

This is called 50 FIRST REACTIONS... Type what comes to your mind FIRST whenever you hear these 50 words. Don't think and don't go back and change. Doesn't matter how random just type it! Re-post it for all of your friends.

1. Beer: Heineken
2. Food: Eat?
3. Relationship: Mbe
4. Crush: 9th grade
5. Power Rangers: The uh, the yellow one.
6. Life: Pull it off
7. The President: SBY
8. Yummy: Gum
9. Car: Driving like it's nothing special
10. Movie: Wolverine
11. Halloween: ...Pumpkin
12. Sex: Fuckers
13. Religion: Mosque
14. Hate: Drama drama drama
15. Fear: Lily Allen (d'uh)
16. Marriage: Huge, white bride dress
17. Blondes: Hair, of course?
18. Slippers: Wearing it
19. Shoes: Heels
20. Asians: Slanted eyes
21. Pastime: The Click Five
22. One night stand: Barney Stinson
23. My cell phone: Kicked it accidentally, asphalt, a moment ago.
24. Smoke: Smokers who look cool smoking (which are pretty rare)
25. Fantasy: Squall and friends
27. High school Life: Working on it
28. Pyjamas: Cotton
29. Stars: Gunung Bunder
30. Center: Circle
31. Alcohol: My pink chemistry module
32. The word LOVE: Magical
33. Friends: Faces
34. Money: Me taking a bath in a tub full of money
35. Heartache: Rejected
36. Time: Clocks, especially the old, antique looking ones.
37. Divorce: Rings
38. Dogs: I wish they're not religiously forbidden
39. Undies: The Sims
40. Parents: My mom
41. Babies: Little socks and clothes
42. Ex: Failed romance attempt
43. Song: Norell
44. Color: A Color palette
45. Weddings: Western styled ones, with maid of honor
46. Pizza: One with blueberry topping, like the one in Who Has The Biggest Brain. Shoot.
47. Hangout: People standing in front of a wall full of graffitis, some of them hold a skateboard
48. Rest: Sleep
49. Goal : Soccer
50. Inspiration: Hairspray

...Oh I'm so random.

Seventeen + Some More Days

So I have to change my about me section as soon as possible since the age stated there is no longer true. Yes Nunu today is the seventeen-year-old one since at this year's 17th of April she has turned seventeen!

Q : What's it like, being seventeen?
A : Well, for me it's practically the same.

• Having the real I.D card? Well yeah it's still in the process till this day and I think once it's finished it'll just stuck on my wallet like my student card and other cards is (which I had before I'm seventeen).
• Being legitimate when it comes to applying for driver's license? Well my parent's not interested in buying me wheels of my own and none of people around me have enough time to teach me how to drive, so....
• Having access to watch films rated for adults? Well the sixteen-year-old-and-previous me has watched some films with adult rating (I'm not speaking of porn here)

But, the day which I turned seventeen at surely was special! :--)

My first 17th birthday cake was from my kind-hearted fellows of 11 Science B
It was this second break of the day, I was kind of upset cause I have no company at that moment. Having no company at your birthday, admit it, it sucks. But then suddenly little crowd of people approached me and the song "Happy Birthday to You" started to fade in--only the word "to you" was replaced with my name :--D

I swear, the first thing came to my mind was "Wey, who's birthday is it?" hahaha weeeird, but then it took me merely seconds to realised that I was that lucky birthday girl. They wished me a happy birthday, I blew the candles, then we ate the cake together ♥

Blowing Candles

The second (and the most unique one) was from my beloved fomer class, Xepele.
They gave it to me after school ends. Suddenly they came through the canteen with an decorated board and seventeen pieces of ...Kue Tete. I laughed hard when I saw these LOL

The cake I'm talking about

They said there was a wisdom behind why-they-chose-kue-tete; it's a symbol of maturity which is what the number 17 is all about. This made me laugh even harder.

So there were 17 pieces of it and each one of them was attached with lit candle, certain people hold certain piece and I have to blew all the candles off! So I blew them all and ate a piece out of seventeen. The most delicious Kue Tete I've ever eaten, tasted like Happy Birthday haha

The board was decorated with drawing of me (which was so creative, they used wool for my hair and the ends were curly, omg! My braces were made of square colourful beads, and for the clothing they used remnants with various prints) and at the back there were signatures of my friends, all wishing me a happy birthday!

The Board in the making


The Board and one of the 17 Cakes

The third cake was from my boyfriend. He gave the cake and a birthday gift while we were alone together. He always said earlier to me that he want to give his own treat for me personally, when there are only the two of us, and he really did ♥

I need to catch my ride to Bandung later that day, cause my brother was about to officially graduate from his college the next day. So Mbe drove me to the travel office and then I went to Bandung at seven pm.

This is when I realised that my father forgot my birthday. Yeah, the only stain of the day. Pffft but oh well

I arrived at around half past nine, and this was when I received my fourth cake, which was from my family (well technically my father didn't participate, but anyways) along with a birthday present

It's kind of hard to say goodbye to the day, to let go of those zests. But time didn't give a damn, that's why today's 23rd of April, not 17th. But maybe it's good that time flies, cause up till today I still carry the happiness lots of people gave me and from that I learned that true happiness, stays. :--)

Thank you very berry much,
xx
Nunu (17)

I'm 63% Mentally Ill

[x] You have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting you.'
[ ] You have run into a glass/screen door.
[x] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle.
[x] You have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks.
[x] You have run into a tree/bush.
[ ] You have been called a blonde.

subtotal: 4

[ ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.
[ ] You just tried to lick your elbow.
[ ] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same melody.
[ ] You just sang them to make sure.
[x] You have tripped on your own feet.
[x] You have choked on your own spit.

subtotal: 6

[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.
[ ] You type with three fingers or less.
[ ] You have accidentally caught something on fire.
[x] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose
[x] You have caught yourself drooling.

subtotal: 8

[x] You have fallen asleep in class.
[x] Sometimes you just stop thinking.
[ ] Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about.
[ ] People often shake their heads and walk away from you
[ ] You are often told to use your 'inside voice'

subtotal: 10

[ ] You use your fingers to do simple math.
[x] You have eaten a bug accidentally
[x] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important.
[x] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.
[x] You've looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time.

subtotal: 14

[x] You have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't.
[x] You break a lot of things.
[x] You tilt your head when you're confused.
[x] You have fallen out of your chair before.
[x] When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.
[x] The word "um" is used frequently.
[ ] You don't know what "um" means.
[x] You say "what" and "huh" a lot.
[ ] You plan to use a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.

Subtotal: 21

Total: 21

NOW, take your total, and multiply it by 3
and re-post as: I am --% Mentally ill.

Quandary

nunu_nfl is not the best at forgiving (@Plurk.com, 7:06 PM)

...And now I don't know where to start. Oh my God I'm so dull I even doubt my right to feel something at times!

FYI it's been quite long since the last time I'm really pissed i scream out swears. And that today it happened, i feel somehow losing grip. It's like, somewhere inside i say "I shouldn't be this mad," but my other part of heart can't stop calling names and keeps on refusing to forgive.

I mean, I do want to forgive, to say "It's okay, we're through that," and to smile at the same time, but... I don't knowwww, it's just hard to let go.

It's always like this, I get seriously pissed rather rarely but It's hard for me to forgive and forget once it happens. I'm overly dramatic at times, perhaps. I don't know, I don't think. Eh, what?

Oh whatever.

A Paper I'll Always Keep

For some reasons still unclear to me, I always find blogs written by guys interesting. Whatever it is, seeing a guy actually write and express what he actually thinks or --if possible--feels never is something usual for me, not to mention reading it.

For some while until now, I have always dying to have my boyfriend writing something other than math and physics formulas or chemical reactions for me to read. Yeah, generally he only writes in front of me when we're solving science problems together. Well he's expressive in his own way, like, verbally, he's a thousand times more expressive compared to me.

The early days of us is another story. Some time in May 2008 he wrote me this poem he almost sent through mobile text, but thank God he was romantic enough at that time to finally write it on a piece of paper while we were together in the end :--D

...Oh well Clemmie it's okay if you don't like writing, I'm a big fan of your jokes anyways <3

It Was Dramatic

Before today, it's been quite a while since the last time I really cry because of my feelings.

There was a moment when I thought crying feels good, like giving a break to yourself and letting all insecurities out. That was when I cry zero time, and maybe that's why I thought it's good, cause I didn't really know anything about crying. I don't know, I am weird.

Just a short moment ago, crying started to be a big deal for me. I don't want to cry over small things, I don't want anyone whoever that is get used to the scene of me crying, I hate to cry when it's not just myself to see and hear me sobbing. Moreover because crying is really exhausting and if at last I sleep after I cried, I will have this terrible headache and swollen eyes once I wake up.

Yet that's what happened today. And now my head hurts. My eyes too.

At the moment things are at ease. They're okay.
Oh well... But when it comes to me that's yet to be a yes.

My Kind Of Memory-To-Die-For :--)

Now everybody's gone, you picked me up for a long drive
We take the tourist route the nights are light until midnight
We took the evening ferry over to the peninsula
We found the avenue of trees went up to the hill
That crazy avenue of trees, I'm living there still

Another Sunny Day by Belle & Sebastian

My True Self?

Your view on yourself Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

I sometimes hate it when test results appear to be pretty precise. A bit creepy :--/ Anyways give it a go! (Link from my fellow bloggers)

Will You Do Me a Favor?

I've been typing several letters and deleting it times over times.
I don't know what to write yet I feel like i need to.
I'm uninspired yet thoughtful at the very same time.
I'm exhausted.

Ah yes. I would like to ask you something.
Would you please fill this form below and repost it in the comment field along with your answer as Q&A? This should be fun! And if you would like to have me done the same thing for you, ask me. I'll definitely be glad to do so :--)

So, here goes!

1. Your Full Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Where you and I met?
8. How long have you known me?
9. The last time we saw each other?
10. Your first impression of me upon meeting/seeing me?
11. What's my personality like?
12. What's my best physical feature?
13. Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what)?
14. Have you ever hugged me?
15. What's your favourite memory of us?
16. Have you ever seen me in such embarrassing situation? What was that?
    
17. If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be?
18. If you and I were stranded on an island, what would I bring?
19. What do you think I will be in 10 years?
20. Will you re-post this so I can fill this out for you?

Looking forward for your answers
Have a splendid night, people!

100 Truths of The Writer

001. Real name ? Nurul Fithria Lubis
002. Like it ? Not really but anyways...
003. Nickname(s)? Nunu
004. Status ? Taken
005. Zodiac sign ? Aries
006. Male or female ? Female
007. Elementary ? SDN CM 06 Pagi
008. Middle School ? Labschool Jakarta
009. High School ? SMAN 8 jakarta
010. Hair color ? Black gone burgundy ehm
011. Long or short ? Long! :--D
012. Eye color ? Very dark brown
013. Weight ? Mid 40s or so
014. Height ? 160 cm
015. Righty or lefty ? Righty
016. Loud or Quiet ? Both
017. Sweats or Jeans ? Jeans
018. Phone or Camera ? Phone
019. Health freak ? Naaaa
020. Piercings ? Zero
021. Do you have a crush on someone ? More than a crush
022. Eat or Drink ? I can't choose
023. Purse or Backpack ? Backpack
024. Tattoos ? Naaa
025. Do You Like Yourself ? I should
026. Current worry ? Scores

THIS OR THAT:
027. Orange or Apple Juice ? Apple
028. Night or Day ? Night
029. Sun or Moon ? Moon
030. TV or Internet ? Internet
031. PlayStation or XBox? PS
032. Kiss or Hug ? Huuugs
033. Iguana or Turtle ? Neither?
034. Spider or Bee ? Bee
035. Fall or Spring ? Spring
036. Limewire or iTunes ? Limewire
037. Soccer or Baseball ? Soccer

FIRSTS:
038. First surgery ? Yet to come
039. First piercing ? Ears
040. First best friend ? Rizka :-)
041. First Sport ? Nothing really...
042. First award ? I can't recall
043. First crush ? A Classmate
044. First pet ? Rabbit
045. First big vacation ? Bali
046. First big birthday ? I forgot

CURRENTLY:
047. Eating ? N/A
048. Drinking ? N/A
049. I'm about to ? Rest
050. Listening to ? Mighty Love/Zeke and The Popo
051. Singing ? Mighty Love/Zeke and The Popo
052. Typing ? This
053. Waiting for ? Nothing, d'uh

YOUR FUTURE:
054. Want kids ? Sure
055. When ? Later
056. Want to get married? Yess
057. When ? Mid 20s
058. Where Do You Want To Live ? Somewhere nice
059. Careers in mind ? Programmer or something about that
060. What Did You Want To Be When You Were Little ? Illustrator
061. Mellow Future Or Wild? Somewhere in between
062. Something You Would Never Try ? Tasting poop

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY?
063. Lips or eyes ? Eyes
064. Shorter or taller? Taller
065. Romantic or spontaneous ? Spontaneous
066. Nice stomach or nice arms ? Arms
067. Sensitive or loud? Loud
068. Hook-up or relationship ? Relationship
069. Trouble maker or hesitant ? Eee neither?
070. Hugging or Kissing ? Hugging
071. Tan Skinned or Light ? Tan
072. Dark or Light Hair ? Dark
073. Muscular or Normal ? Muscular but not too much

HAVE YOU EVER:
074. Lost glasses/contacts ? Once
075. Ran away from home ? Never
076. Held a gun/knife for self defense ? Naaaa
077. Killed somebody ? ...No
078. Broken someone's heart ? Mmm ya
079. Been arrested ? Naaaa
080. Cried when someone died ? Once
081. Kissed A Stranger ? Na
082. Climbed Up A Tree ? I wish I have
083. Liked A Friend As More Than A Friend ? Silly but yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
084. Yourself ? Rarely no
085. Miracles ? Yes
086. Love at first sight ? Naa
087. Heaven ? Yes
088. Santa Claus ? Naa
089. Kiss on the first date ? Na-ah

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
090. Is there one person you want to be with right now ? Yes
091. Do You Like Someone ? Pretty much
092. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life ? Yes
093. Do you believe in God ? 100%

LASTS
094. Recieved/Sent Text Message ? Mbe dong hehe
095. Received Call ? Naila
096. Call Made ? Mbe
097. Comment On MySpace ? N/A
098. Missed Call ? Mbe
099. Person You Hung out With ? Mom and Dad
100. Post as 100 truths and tag : People with dimples :-D

32nd of December

5:50 AM
(Mother entered Nunu's bedroom)
Mama : Nuu, nggak sekolah?
Nunu : (half awaked) Ngga ma
M : Ooh, mama berangkat ya
N : Nggg--
(Mother left)
N : ... (checked her cellphone; no new messages)
(Nunu went back to sleep)

6:20 AM
N : ... (checked her cellphone; no new messages)
(Nunu went back to sleep)

6:45 AM
N : ... (checked her cellphone; no new messages)
(Nunu went back to sleep)

7:13 AM
N : ... (checked her cellphone; no new messages)
(Nunu went back to sleep)

7:45 AM
N : ... (checked her cellphone; no new messages)
(Nunu went back to sleep)

8:54 AM
N : ... (checked her cellphone; no new messages)
(Nunu got up and took a shower)

9:12 AM
N : ... (checked her cellphone; no new messages)

9:26 AM
N : ... (checked her cellphone; no new messages)
(Nunu typed;
To: #1 Cindero
"Are you aware that today is the first day of December?")

9:30 AM
N : ... (checked her cellphone; no new messages)

9:35 AM
(1 new message
From : #1 Cindero
"Ya ampun maaf ya nuu. Aku stress nih banyak remed. Maaf yaa. Happy 10th aaay muaah")
N : ... *jawdrop* (add some rumbling thunder sound effect here)
(Nunu typed;
To: #1 Cindero
"...Kamu lupa? Okay sama sama ya mbe")

9:38 AM
(1 new message
From : #1 Cindero
"Iyaa maaf banget ya nuu. maaaaaaaf. Kamu ngga dateng ke sekolah?")
N : ...............You should've just lied
(Nunu typed;
To: #1 Cindero
"Aku ngga nyangka mbe, ya ampun. Aku ngga ke sekolah")

9:45 AM
(1 new message
From: #1 Cindero
"Maaf nuuuu, aku minta maaf. Aku lagi bingung ini remed semua")
N: (Though: "Should I mad, should I put up with it, shoud I what?")

9:47 AM
N : ...
(Nunu typed;
To: #1 Cindero
"Hmm yaudah pikirin remed kamu dulu aja mbe, best luck ya")

10:30 AM
Yanti the Househelper : Nuu, mba mau ke rumah Pak Kurdi dulu ya sebentar
N : ... (got up, walked towards the door to lock it up)

10:45 AM
(Bell rang)
N : (thought: "Y's quite quick...")
(N got up, walked towards the door to open it up)
Mbe : Mba mana nuu?
N : ... *jawdrop*
(Sudden rush of such scent of his. Nunu couldn't help it)
N : Pergi. Aku kira mba (thought: "D'uh, should i be mean, should I mad, should I what?")

(They entered the house.
Background music : The Kooks)

(Mbe sat down)
N : (thought: "where should I sit, next to him or what?")
(Nunu sat down next to Mbe)
(Mbe looked at Nunu)
N : ... (Trying not to smile)
Mb : Kenapa nuu?
N : Gapapa

...

N : Kok kamu di sini?
Mb : Kamu ngga bales smsku
N : Hm? Bales kok
Mb : (Checked his cellphone) ...Oh iya
N : (thought: "Ya ampun")

...

N : (looked at Mbe with certain kind of sight)
Mb : Kenapa nuu?
N : Gapapa
Mb : ...Nuuuuuuuuu~
N : Hmm? (Thought: "You are angry Nuu, you arrrre")
Mb : Aku pusing nih banyak remeeeed huhu (leaned upon Nunu's shoulder)
N : ... (caressed Mbe's back) sabar ya Mbe..
Mb : Hmmmm
N : ... (Suddenly got up) Woooo mbe woooo!
Mb : (Surprised?) (pulled Nunu back) Aaaa nunuuu
N : Aku kan marah wooo!
Mb : (laughed)
N : ............................. (Thought: "I lose.")

______________________________

D'uh the point is, at the end of the day it always came back to you. I don't understand how staying mad at someone who has done something obviously-worth-staying-mad-at can be this hard. I suck real bad when it come to you aren't I.

...Yet I'm glad I have you.
Happy 10th month, mon cher

jkxcnhjzgnfzh

Sebenarnya, sejak kapan sendiri jadi sesakit ini?
Dulu ini bukan masalah, tidak pernah jadi masalah. Sekarang kalau sendiri malah jadi aneh, membayangkan orang lain tidak kesepian tanpa kehadiran kita--tidak seperti kita yang terus menggali lubang dalam hati yang tiap detik makin dalam tiap orang itu nggak ada. Bikin sedih, ilusi yang diciptakan akal sendiri, padahal yang sakit hati sendiri.

Butuh kehadiran orang lain, bukan prinsip yang selama ini gue pegang. Gue selalu mikir, asal ada diri sendiri semua bisa jadi baik-baik aja. Tapi nggak kan? Itu pikiran munafik, menjadi individualis itu berat, apalagi kalau jiwa penuh iri. Butuh orang lain, makanya manusia punya pasangan? Gue ngga tau, pikiran gue ngga sehebat itu. Cuma tau, butuh, tapi ternyata gila banget rasanya butuh.

I want you to want me, I need you to need me. Mungkin bakal jauh lebih mudah kalau manusia saling butuh secara spesifik. Buang rasa takut, karena kemungkinan jadi lebih pasti. Apa sih yang bisa diharap dari orang lain? Mereka juga hanya manusia kan, tulang yang dibungkus daging dan kulit, organ yang serupa namun akal dan hati yang berbeda, makanya maunya beda, butuhnya beda? Tetep aja ngga tauuu kaaaaaan

Oh enough, I just need you to be around...

Being Emotional

"Woman is very much an emotional creature."

Itu kata buku ilmiah yang gue baca pas kelas sepuluh, disuruh Pak Edi--Guru Bahasa Indonesia. Dan gue setuju sama kalimat itu sejak pertama kali baca, karena dilihat dari tingkah laku men-women pada umumnya aja udah keliatan, yang mana yang lebih cenderung make kepala keteimbang hati dan sebaliknya.

Mengalami ledakan-ledakan emosi, kadang rasanya kayak being completely a teenager. Freak tapi ya iya bener, karena pada saat-saat emosi gue terlalu stabil bukan nggak pernah gue ingin sesuatu untuk metrigger ledakan ringan, but mostly in good ways sih -___-

(taken from here)

Gue adalah orang yang sangat memakai emosi. Emosi gue terlalu beragam, dan gue adalah too much of an idealist dalam memandang bagaimana seharusnya bersikap dengan memakai ataupun menghadapi emosi. Dan secara tidak sadar mungkin gue sudah berasumsi bahwa semua orang juga memakai cara pandang itu, which i have just realised lately, is totally a no.

Tapi gue nggak bisa tegas soal emosi, karena dalam menyampaikannya saja mengalami masalah; gagap, salting, bingung, yang akhirnya berujung pada ketidaksempurnaan, hilangnya satu atau dua atau malah banyak makna dari emosi itu sendiri dan kemudian membuat diri sendiri merasa menyesal. Saying, "Aaah I shouldn't have said anything about this," karena lagi-lagi gagal, tapi begitupun tetap selalu mencoba untuk sharing tiap terjadi konversi drastis terhadap emosi.

Sampe sekarang juga gue heran kenapa susah banget bagi gue untuk mengekspresikan emosi, yang padahal gue tahu kepada siapa gue mencoba mengekspresikannya--orang-orang yang gue tahu pasti akan mendengar.

Mungkin gue takut.
Takut nggak atau salah dimengerti,
Takut pedapat orang lain,
Takut salah dalam beremosi--weird, I know.

Yang kontradiktif dari semua ini, gue mudah melupakan emosi. Mudah diubah mood-nya, mudah diubah pikirannya tentang apa yang wajar ditanggapi dengan emosi mana yang tidak, mudah dibuat merasa bersalah karena beremosi.

Strees gue bisa hilang dengan tindakan yang superduper simpel dan gampang, asal itu tindakan yang benar dari orang yang benar. Dan geram gue juga bisa muncul dengan mudah hanya dengan satu tindakan kecil, kalau menurut sudut pandang idealis gue itu wajar untuk digerami.

Tapi stress dan geram itu lalu mudah juga untuk dikonversi lagi, karena keidealisan gue nggak pernah bersifat atau bernilai mutlak, terlalu banyak cabang dari kemungkinan aksi manusia berkat ke-kompleks-an cara berpikir dan merasa mereka dan nggak jarang cabang satu dengan yang lain hanya memiliki sedikit perbedaan saat efek yang diberikan bisa jadi cukup besar perbedaannya. Tricky, quite tricky.

......Emosi.
Pernah kebayang, gimana hidup tanpa emosi?

Perhaps

Perhaps it's me making big of unimportant things, me losing my nice prejudices, me taking my prestige to high. Perhaps it's just the mood, the hormones. Perhaps it's you not being sensitive enough to know what i was thinking. Or perhaps it's just... nothing?

But seeing turning-silent you was not pleasant, and staring at the window dwelling on bad thoughts was definitely not on my things-i-would-like-to-do list.

...Do you know what I like about after-schools? Haven't I told you? Perhaps I haven't, but showing you, I did it almost everyday. When I did, did you realize?

Were you just sleepy?
Or tired?
What are you feeling?
What's on your brain?

I'm thinking about you..................................