I Don't Know Why I Post This

Today I met him at the corridor. I was alone and so was he. We made an eye contact, but I chose to stay silent. After several steps which gradually cut our distance, he greeted me. I didn't know whether he smiled or not, I didn't wear my glasses.

Using a split second as effective as possible, I chose to respond it. As cold as I could. So I just put my hand up, covering half my face from the side. I didn't smile, I didn't say a word. I passed by. And that was pretty much it.

What bothers me is that I can't stop thinking about it. No, not in an I-want-him-back kind of way, not in a omg-my-crush-says-hi-to-me kind of way, not even in a can-we-really-be-friends? kind of way. My thinking is twisted, it's complex, I don't know.

Is this what having a past is? Forgive and forget totally sound like bullshit right now. I've stopped holding on to cliches, they don't work on me. It was stupid how I thought I'd have one of those clean break ups with him, how I tried to remain friends with all the acts and whatnot. I mean, look at what happened.

Really, this is not me caring about what's happening on the other side. I'm worried about me, worried that his stain can't be entirely gone--which is what I'm working on. I want this completely out of me, but see what those stupid seconds do to me.

This is annoying. I want to be done dealing with this. Ass.

Some Days Are Just Different

Since I'm a big fan of pictures, I'll leave you with some.

The best thing about this trip is the perfect timing. Stresses are out and I'm ready for school (but not midterm), people's faces starting to be blurry anyways, got to see them soon!
And hey, how's your holiday?

Credit for the pretty ones goes to Rachmat Lianda

A Quick Hi

Hey I just got back from a short trip abroad. Was having an awesome time, feet-tiring miles of walk, the best salmon teriyaki so far, and not to forget the stress-relieving paper bags :-3 But more on that later.

I went to buy a cake for my 23-year-old brother earlier tonight.

Wishing him a splendid 24th year of life before 30th September comes up. Have a nice one, Brah.

I'd like to keep on but this got to be short cause I'm having a bit of neck situation here. Tilting my head is not that easy right now, pffh. Well anyways, have a nice end of September people!

P.S. Will type more soon :-)

Oh Well

How am I doing these days?
Nothing much, really.

• I'm okay.
• My feet touches the ground.
• I eat a lot, four times a day sometimes, not to mention the sodas and the teas.
• Mostly I pay attention in classes.
• I sign in rather a lot to WLM.
• I read people's tweets when I'm bored.
• I constantly find myself craving for frozen yogurt and sushi, but having difficulties in fulfilling it.
• My recently played song is most likely be Lenka's
  
• My cursing is getting worse by days and I'm trying to fix it.
• I try to just be impulsive cause apparently, it feels good.
  

How are you?

Everything Will Be Okay

Sorry for not being around, I'm busy building a huge tall wall that keeps on collapsing over and over again each time I catch a breath--thinking at last it's completely build.

Diving deep, I'll write more when the sun greets me.

Have a nice day :-)

A Bouquet of Anemone

I'm emotionally tired these days. Trapped in a situation but too scared to take a step forward and make things up. A situation I might not explain in public cause I pity myself too much for having it I'm embarrassed. Something I can't share even with people that understand me the most.

I try to be busy, try to loosen my mind off by focusing on other subject. But really, I got to admit that this sucks. I'm not good at not being emotional, I'm not good at not over-thinking stuffs, I'm not good at bearing pain... I really feel like crying, I just realised how lonely I actually am.

...And I'm sad that I just found out how wonderful MJ's voice is after he's gone.

Shot by Rachmat Lianda

Koper Kami Butuh Tanda

A : Mbak, pita birunya 5 meter ya
B : (menulis) Ini bonnya, langsung bayar ke kasir aja
A : Terus mbak pitanya bisa tolong dipotong setengah meter-setengah meter ngga?
B : (dengan muka asem) Ngga bisa, ngga ada ukurannya
A : Ooh, kalo dipotong semeter-semeter terus dibagi dua bisa?
B : Bisa
A : ... (tertawa dalam hati)
B : ... (salting)

Moral cerita : ingatlah bahwa satu dibagi dua adalah setengah.

Seventeen + Some More Days

So I have to change my about me section as soon as possible since the age stated there is no longer true. Yes Nunu today is the seventeen-year-old one since at this year's 17th of April she has turned seventeen!

Q : What's it like, being seventeen?
A : Well, for me it's practically the same.

• Having the real I.D card? Well yeah it's still in the process till this day and I think once it's finished it'll just stuck on my wallet like my student card and other cards is (which I had before I'm seventeen).
• Being legitimate when it comes to applying for driver's license? Well my parent's not interested in buying me wheels of my own and none of people around me have enough time to teach me how to drive, so....
• Having access to watch films rated for adults? Well the sixteen-year-old-and-previous me has watched some films with adult rating (I'm not speaking of porn here)

But, the day which I turned seventeen at surely was special! :--)

My first 17th birthday cake was from my kind-hearted fellows of 11 Science B
It was this second break of the day, I was kind of upset cause I have no company at that moment. Having no company at your birthday, admit it, it sucks. But then suddenly little crowd of people approached me and the song "Happy Birthday to You" started to fade in--only the word "to you" was replaced with my name :--D

I swear, the first thing came to my mind was "Wey, who's birthday is it?" hahaha weeeird, but then it took me merely seconds to realised that I was that lucky birthday girl. They wished me a happy birthday, I blew the candles, then we ate the cake together ♥

Blowing Candles

The second (and the most unique one) was from my beloved fomer class, Xepele.
They gave it to me after school ends. Suddenly they came through the canteen with an decorated board and seventeen pieces of ...Kue Tete. I laughed hard when I saw these LOL

The cake I'm talking about

They said there was a wisdom behind why-they-chose-kue-tete; it's a symbol of maturity which is what the number 17 is all about. This made me laugh even harder.

So there were 17 pieces of it and each one of them was attached with lit candle, certain people hold certain piece and I have to blew all the candles off! So I blew them all and ate a piece out of seventeen. The most delicious Kue Tete I've ever eaten, tasted like Happy Birthday haha

The board was decorated with drawing of me (which was so creative, they used wool for my hair and the ends were curly, omg! My braces were made of square colourful beads, and for the clothing they used remnants with various prints) and at the back there were signatures of my friends, all wishing me a happy birthday!

The Board in the making


The Board and one of the 17 Cakes

The third cake was from my boyfriend. He gave the cake and a birthday gift while we were alone together. He always said earlier to me that he want to give his own treat for me personally, when there are only the two of us, and he really did ♥

I need to catch my ride to Bandung later that day, cause my brother was about to officially graduate from his college the next day. So Mbe drove me to the travel office and then I went to Bandung at seven pm.

This is when I realised that my father forgot my birthday. Yeah, the only stain of the day. Pffft but oh well

I arrived at around half past nine, and this was when I received my fourth cake, which was from my family (well technically my father didn't participate, but anyways) along with a birthday present

It's kind of hard to say goodbye to the day, to let go of those zests. But time didn't give a damn, that's why today's 23rd of April, not 17th. But maybe it's good that time flies, cause up till today I still carry the happiness lots of people gave me and from that I learned that true happiness, stays. :--)

Thank you very berry much,
xx
Nunu (17)

Please Stab Me With Something

Today. Sucks. Like. So. Bad
Fuck you it's April's Fool, why can't I have some fun?

It turned out that my hard heart had turned a friend into tears. Yeah I made my friend cry. But I mean hello, I could cry out of chafe yesterday if I wasn't good enough at controlling those damned water, has anyone told you? I was sorry to see her cry AND FUCK I FELT GUILT, but as always these two voices inside kept on contradict each other and one of them kept on screaming something like "Now why should I feel guiltyyyy?"

And there's also this other friend--trying to act as mediator, he kept talking and kept talking and kept talking and I was like "Hey man shut the hell up like you know whether I was prepared to talk about this with her or not," and I did verbalize that to him but his tongue just kept on going on and on and on, God! I'm mad offended already, why make things worse? I mean I know he meant it in a good way, that he wanted to helped both me and my crying friend to solve things out and I did appreciate it but just... don't do it overly, will you?

Ah, I'm sorry for being so abstract here by not plainly telling what actually is going on. Since I'm in such emotion, I know all I write, however I try to soften it up, is gonna be harsh--I can be so cruel at times. I think it's no good, telling people what thing who does in a negative way. And I know I do use profanity words here but at least I'm not saying it to anyone. I fuck my feelings, not anyone.

And for you, you know who you are; I know you're sorry, I know you regret what you did, and now that you've apologise, I accept it. But that just doesn't cut it. I'm pretty disappointed you let other person saying lines you should've said instead of saying it by yourself. Come on girl, where's your guts? If there's one thing that can make things go back to usual, you know it will be your guts.

After that school's first break came. I couldn't wait to see my boyfriend, I emotionally needed to talk to him like so much but all I know was that he was about to took off the first second he arrived at my class. Okay, another emotion crack. Then I asked him what date is it, he said 1st April. Good, he forgot that this meant we've been together for full 14 months now. Again, another emotion crack. He said sorry (once?) and I was still pissed, it's not just about him.

Yet he's the one who made the tiny fun part of this horrible day so...

He cracked up jokes and made me laugh after I tried my best to curve a smile (read:comprehend my ego) Yeah I laughed cause you know what he was like sooo funny even when I'm mad at him but up till now he still says nothing about that month thingy. Is that unimportant? For me it's important. I'll deal with it that he forgot, but if he really says nothing at all till I go to bed, I know I'll be irritated.

When my mom came home at around seven, she asked me about whether I've watered the garden or not. Shit of course I forgot that she asked me to do that this very early morning. Unsincerely I walked to my garden and started the faucet but the water discharge was so dull it's hard to reach far with it. When I tried to go deeper in the garden A FROG APPROACHED ME. Hell why would there be A FROG in my garden?! *^@)&*@-+$*%!!!

Honestly, at the moment until this second I can hear my heart pounding out of anger, hatred, irritation, wrath, whatever, you name it.

God o mighty God, why all these annoying moments had to happen all in a day? I know, things could go far worse but now I'm non-physically so exhausted. I'm so angry I could cry.

Sorry for the Oh-so-long-and-full-of-rant post, please understand that I'm having a horribly rough day. And if you're reading, thank you.

Quandary

nunu_nfl is not the best at forgiving (@Plurk.com, 7:06 PM)

...And now I don't know where to start. Oh my God I'm so dull I even doubt my right to feel something at times!

FYI it's been quite long since the last time I'm really pissed i scream out swears. And that today it happened, i feel somehow losing grip. It's like, somewhere inside i say "I shouldn't be this mad," but my other part of heart can't stop calling names and keeps on refusing to forgive.

I mean, I do want to forgive, to say "It's okay, we're through that," and to smile at the same time, but... I don't knowwww, it's just hard to let go.

It's always like this, I get seriously pissed rather rarely but It's hard for me to forgive and forget once it happens. I'm overly dramatic at times, perhaps. I don't know, I don't think. Eh, what?

Oh whatever.

I Prefer Midterm Test Week

I'm really not in the mood to go back to my usual daily life, which is tomorrow. I feel empty, like having no event to look forward to, like I can't see the finish line, like... well, empty.

Last Saturday I've done my final oral test at my English course, which I've been looking forward to since the first time I applied for the course. Yet oddly I don't really feel happy about this. Uh I mean, it's good to be free every Saturday from now on (hopefully, if I passed the final test) but the thought of losing my class there doesn't really amuse me. Somehow it even made me feel emptier.

I don't know, is it just me being too sentimental or what, whatever but I don't like this kind of feeling. I hope I'll be over this soon

It Was Dramatic

Before today, it's been quite a while since the last time I really cry because of my feelings.

There was a moment when I thought crying feels good, like giving a break to yourself and letting all insecurities out. That was when I cry zero time, and maybe that's why I thought it's good, cause I didn't really know anything about crying. I don't know, I am weird.

Just a short moment ago, crying started to be a big deal for me. I don't want to cry over small things, I don't want anyone whoever that is get used to the scene of me crying, I hate to cry when it's not just myself to see and hear me sobbing. Moreover because crying is really exhausting and if at last I sleep after I cried, I will have this terrible headache and swollen eyes once I wake up.

Yet that's what happened today. And now my head hurts. My eyes too.

At the moment things are at ease. They're okay.
Oh well... But when it comes to me that's yet to be a yes.

Whose Birthday Is It?

you-know-who.

So. His friends and I were waiting for him for like an hour and all of a sudden he showed up when the candle on his cake hasn't even been lighted up! So he ended up ruining the birthday plan, and surprising us instead of being surprised.

Well truth is... I told him I was waiting for him by myself, so he came as soon as he could and that's when he found out that actually around two dozens of people are waiting with me. He kept on blaming and laughing at me on our way home so I smeared some more cheese cream on his chin and sideburns, haha!

It's the second time for me to be the one who carries the birthday cake for him. Though the surprise plan went unexpectedly wrong, I still think it's a great day :--)

Thank you for everybody involved, you've just made my (and hopefully his) day! :--D

Happy Birthday Clemmie~

Things As Simple As This

On the way, after school. He drove me home.

N : ...Kapan ya aku yang nyetirin kamu?
M : Hm?
N : Iya, aku yang nyetir, kamu yang duduk di sini.
M : (Senyum) Nanti, kalo udah tua.

I don't know whether he really realised the meaning of his words the way I did, or whether he meant it the way I think he did, or whatever, but that moment I know I smiled.

My Yearbook Committee Photoshoot

Some of us


....My arm looks weird


Dead cars are kool


Thito Fais Mayang Naila Torik Nunu Al


My Favourite Shot!


This is me, smiling at you

Taken Saturday, 14/3/2009
Photos from Torik Danumaya, toned by Torik Danumaya
Except the last photo, from Fahdiana Liestya, toned by me

Shortest Fairest Moment

Several days ago, out of nowhere, I asked Mbe to catch me a second before I started to run towards him. When the distance was close enough, I pushed my toe against the ground and jumped loosely at him. The next second I realised that my nose didn't hit the ground, and that his arms were merrily wrapped around me.

He caught me.
And it felt blissfully wonderful.

Dana International

Saat saya sedang asik menyelami dan mencoba memahami fungsi dan struktur ginjal, terjadilah percakapan singkat berkat majunya dan murahnya teknologi zaman sekarang....

A : ANJING DANA INTERNASIONAL LOVE BOY KEREN BANGET VIDIOX*
B : SETUJU BANGET GUE NYETT WAW WAW
A : MUSAAANG SI MEKANIK MOBIL PINK DADANYA MAJU DAN BERBELAH!
B : RAKUUUN GILA MEN ITU HASIL KE GYM TIAP HARI HINGGA AKU TAK PERLU MEMPERTANYAKAN INTEGRITASNYA
A : KUSKUS FILIPINA! BREAST IMPLANT DANA MENUA, ITU PENYEBAB PAYUDARANYA BERDISTANSI AGAK JAUH!
B : BABI HUTAAAAN GAPAPA DANA WA TETEP LOP YOU POKOKNYA
A : Lo HARUS masukin vidio love boy ke ipod lu!
B : UDAH TRENGGILING
A : MUTASI DNA SAPI JADI SAPI CAMPURAN MACAN, KEREN PISAN!
B : DOMBA DOLLY YAEYALAH WA GITULOH

Setelah itu, untuk beberapa alasan yang saya juga tak mengerti, struktur ginjal jadi terlihat begitu konyol.
Akhirnya saya berhenti belajar
...Bisakah kalian menebak siapa A dan B?
:--D

*Secara tertulis, X dapat dibaca menjadi -nya

He Went Back at Two Thirty

Today he came to visit me as how I wished him to
...without even taking a bath first
Oh whatever Clemmie, you're still adorable

What Went Wrong

On his way driving me home, suddenly I felt like bursting into tears. I don't know why. Everything was fine along the way right before we passed the flyover near my house. It was such a rush that I'm sure my face had gone really weird just to hold the tears so they wouldn't fall down. He was making a joke and I didn't have the strength to answer him let alone laugh about his joke.

That was when (perhaps) he realized something was wrong.

...And I wasn't ready for that. I hadn't catch up with my emotion yet, hence how can I answer his question about why my eye had watered up? My voice was trembling from what I heard, and it felt really hard just to speak several syllables cause i really felt like crying out loud. Taking that, so there were time when I answered him merely with silence.

He was upset, I know. He never likes it when I need and or want him to read what's on my brain. He wanted me to say, to tell him, what was wrong.

He stopped in front of my peach-painted house. And for the several time, asked me what was wrong. I said I don't know, I swear.

I was shivering.
What is this?

I was scared, I don't want him to be pissed with me acting this queer. I want him to be okay with not understanding what's happening, cause for real, neither was I. He looked at me with that sight, that unsatisfied sight. I asked him to smile, and he reluctantly did.

I hardly felt my head when I stepped out of his car. Seeing his car went by, I bit my lip. I knocked my door and got in my house. Again, I almost cry.

I didn't though, I tried my best not to.

P.S
I'm sorry I'm such a sucker expressionist, Clemmie.

The Way You Answer My Words

This morning I spent an hour rolling in my bed, sniffing my bolster, hugging my blanket, playing with my hair, while talking to my lover.

He kept on making fun of me. He refused to be my company for today. He didn't even notice that today is the first day of the new month. Yet we laugh a lot and actually that's what i needed the most.

I'm thankful for having someone to call when I need to ramble and talk about anything at all
Truth is, I was having an unpleasant Sunday morning
...right before I called you.