Please Stab Me With Something

Today. Sucks. Like. So. Bad
Fuck you it's April's Fool, why can't I have some fun?

It turned out that my hard heart had turned a friend into tears. Yeah I made my friend cry. But I mean hello, I could cry out of chafe yesterday if I wasn't good enough at controlling those damned water, has anyone told you? I was sorry to see her cry AND FUCK I FELT GUILT, but as always these two voices inside kept on contradict each other and one of them kept on screaming something like "Now why should I feel guiltyyyy?"

And there's also this other friend--trying to act as mediator, he kept talking and kept talking and kept talking and I was like "Hey man shut the hell up like you know whether I was prepared to talk about this with her or not," and I did verbalize that to him but his tongue just kept on going on and on and on, God! I'm mad offended already, why make things worse? I mean I know he meant it in a good way, that he wanted to helped both me and my crying friend to solve things out and I did appreciate it but just... don't do it overly, will you?

Ah, I'm sorry for being so abstract here by not plainly telling what actually is going on. Since I'm in such emotion, I know all I write, however I try to soften it up, is gonna be harsh--I can be so cruel at times. I think it's no good, telling people what thing who does in a negative way. And I know I do use profanity words here but at least I'm not saying it to anyone. I fuck my feelings, not anyone.

And for you, you know who you are; I know you're sorry, I know you regret what you did, and now that you've apologise, I accept it. But that just doesn't cut it. I'm pretty disappointed you let other person saying lines you should've said instead of saying it by yourself. Come on girl, where's your guts? If there's one thing that can make things go back to usual, you know it will be your guts.

After that school's first break came. I couldn't wait to see my boyfriend, I emotionally needed to talk to him like so much but all I know was that he was about to took off the first second he arrived at my class. Okay, another emotion crack. Then I asked him what date is it, he said 1st April. Good, he forgot that this meant we've been together for full 14 months now. Again, another emotion crack. He said sorry (once?) and I was still pissed, it's not just about him.

Yet he's the one who made the tiny fun part of this horrible day so...

He cracked up jokes and made me laugh after I tried my best to curve a smile (read:comprehend my ego) Yeah I laughed cause you know what he was like sooo funny even when I'm mad at him but up till now he still says nothing about that month thingy. Is that unimportant? For me it's important. I'll deal with it that he forgot, but if he really says nothing at all till I go to bed, I know I'll be irritated.

When my mom came home at around seven, she asked me about whether I've watered the garden or not. Shit of course I forgot that she asked me to do that this very early morning. Unsincerely I walked to my garden and started the faucet but the water discharge was so dull it's hard to reach far with it. When I tried to go deeper in the garden A FROG APPROACHED ME. Hell why would there be A FROG in my garden?! *^@)&*@-+$*%!!!

Honestly, at the moment until this second I can hear my heart pounding out of anger, hatred, irritation, wrath, whatever, you name it.

God o mighty God, why all these annoying moments had to happen all in a day? I know, things could go far worse but now I'm non-physically so exhausted. I'm so angry I could cry.

Sorry for the Oh-so-long-and-full-of-rant post, please understand that I'm having a horribly rough day. And if you're reading, thank you.