I Don't Know Why I Post This

Today I met him at the corridor. I was alone and so was he. We made an eye contact, but I chose to stay silent. After several steps which gradually cut our distance, he greeted me. I didn't know whether he smiled or not, I didn't wear my glasses.

Using a split second as effective as possible, I chose to respond it. As cold as I could. So I just put my hand up, covering half my face from the side. I didn't smile, I didn't say a word. I passed by. And that was pretty much it.

What bothers me is that I can't stop thinking about it. No, not in an I-want-him-back kind of way, not in a omg-my-crush-says-hi-to-me kind of way, not even in a can-we-really-be-friends? kind of way. My thinking is twisted, it's complex, I don't know.

Is this what having a past is? Forgive and forget totally sound like bullshit right now. I've stopped holding on to cliches, they don't work on me. It was stupid how I thought I'd have one of those clean break ups with him, how I tried to remain friends with all the acts and whatnot. I mean, look at what happened.

Really, this is not me caring about what's happening on the other side. I'm worried about me, worried that his stain can't be entirely gone--which is what I'm working on. I want this completely out of me, but see what those stupid seconds do to me.

This is annoying. I want to be done dealing with this. Ass.