And then it's a year and some days since I left. That's fast.
I still come here sometimes though. To slap myself in the face, or I don't know, to remind myself about how sometimes things aren't that smooth. Or about how nothing is the end of the world, what you once thought toxic might turned out to be... well, still toxic but there are different types of toxin right? I've come to realize that nothing is permanent. Not living hell, not toughest break up, not friendship, not pain in the ass, and not even true love, nor first love let alone the ones in between. But it's not bad thing, because that's what will keep us going.
I'm in college now, I live outside town though it's not very far, and I've gotten back together with the guy I always talked about in this blog. Funny I know, how I drowned, got out, but then took a dip yet again. But when I take a look at my writings, though sometimes embarrassing, I think it wasn't stupid at all. And that's why I won't stop writing. Cause I'll always need that rearview mirror to look back at when I don't know where I stand. You know, just so I know how far I've came.
That is why, this blog should remain the same. And so should you guys, don't change unless for the better, stay lovely and wonderful, write write write cause I'm reading :-)
Have a pretty journey <3
Dear Diary,
I don't have anything beautiful to write.
I kind of miss the point of writing. It's hard to be honest these days.
I kind of miss the point of writing. It's hard to be honest these days.
And They Said The Questions Were Simple
What change do you want to see in your personal life - right now?
I want more friends, more people to have an actual conversation with. I want to taste liberty, practice independence, and speak inspiration.
What change do you want to see in your community & country by 2015?
Less car, more pedestrians and people with bicycle. People will smile to random strangers they meet on street. Schools won't push the students to run merely for scores and the students will be mature and open-minded enough to complement the system. Adults won't lose their sense of humor and teenagers will keep themselves posted with the news because they know it's important. Local TV series won't suck as bad as today and more people will listen to The Beatles.
What sort of programmes or ideas of campaigns would you support?
Generally, any program that leads toward good changes, revolution if possible.
Specially, programs that help people realize how big the role of love in our lives is, the ones that help people rediscover the art of being happy, and the art of laughing.
I want more friends, more people to have an actual conversation with. I want to taste liberty, practice independence, and speak inspiration.
What change do you want to see in your community & country by 2015?
Less car, more pedestrians and people with bicycle. People will smile to random strangers they meet on street. Schools won't push the students to run merely for scores and the students will be mature and open-minded enough to complement the system. Adults won't lose their sense of humor and teenagers will keep themselves posted with the news because they know it's important. Local TV series won't suck as bad as today and more people will listen to The Beatles.
What sort of programmes or ideas of campaigns would you support?
Generally, any program that leads toward good changes, revolution if possible.
Specially, programs that help people realize how big the role of love in our lives is, the ones that help people rediscover the art of being happy, and the art of laughing.
I Don't Know Why I Post This
Today I met him at the corridor. I was alone and so was he. We made an eye contact, but I chose to stay silent. After several steps which gradually cut our distance, he greeted me. I didn't know whether he smiled or not, I didn't wear my glasses.
Using a split second as effective as possible, I chose to respond it. As cold as I could. So I just put my hand up, covering half my face from the side. I didn't smile, I didn't say a word. I passed by. And that was pretty much it.
What bothers me is that I can't stop thinking about it. No, not in an I-want-him-back kind of way, not in a omg-my-crush-says-hi-to-me kind of way, not even in a can-we-really-be-friends? kind of way. My thinking is twisted, it's complex, I don't know.
Is this what having a past is? Forgive and forget totally sound like bullshit right now. I've stopped holding on to cliches, they don't work on me. It was stupid how I thought I'd have one of those clean break ups with him, how I tried to remain friends with all the acts and whatnot. I mean, look at what happened.
Really, this is not me caring about what's happening on the other side. I'm worried about me, worried that his stain can't be entirely gone--which is what I'm working on. I want this completely out of me, but see what those stupid seconds do to me.
This is annoying. I want to be done dealing with this. Ass.
Using a split second as effective as possible, I chose to respond it. As cold as I could. So I just put my hand up, covering half my face from the side. I didn't smile, I didn't say a word. I passed by. And that was pretty much it.
What bothers me is that I can't stop thinking about it. No, not in an I-want-him-back kind of way, not in a omg-my-crush-says-hi-to-me kind of way, not even in a can-we-really-be-friends? kind of way. My thinking is twisted, it's complex, I don't know.
Is this what having a past is? Forgive and forget totally sound like bullshit right now. I've stopped holding on to cliches, they don't work on me. It was stupid how I thought I'd have one of those clean break ups with him, how I tried to remain friends with all the acts and whatnot. I mean, look at what happened.
Really, this is not me caring about what's happening on the other side. I'm worried about me, worried that his stain can't be entirely gone--which is what I'm working on. I want this completely out of me, but see what those stupid seconds do to me.
This is annoying. I want to be done dealing with this. Ass.
To Fifteen Fine Names
Write 15 things that you want to say to 15 different people, one for each. It could be a confession, an opinion, a thought, anything. However, you can't write something you already confessed or something you already said, it has to be something new. Tell them which is whom if you want to, but you don't have to.
Which one is yours?
In this post (in random order) :
Rizka Dwi Putri, Mutiara Ramadhiani, Istina Dwi P, Hartsaniya, Rachmat Lianda, Andika Chaktiaji Z, Naila Rahmania, Ferinda P Lestari, Farah Nabila, Rizka Ratmilia, Prathito A Wisambodhi, Tika Meutia Lubis, Torik Danumaya, Osha Adyancha, Nasya Daniya Marhani
Rizka Dwi Putri, Mutiara Ramadhiani, Istina Dwi P, Hartsaniya, Rachmat Lianda, Andika Chaktiaji Z, Naila Rahmania, Ferinda P Lestari, Farah Nabila, Rizka Ratmilia, Prathito A Wisambodhi, Tika Meutia Lubis, Torik Danumaya, Osha Adyancha, Nasya Daniya Marhani
- I wish we could have a heart-to-heart talk without having to be awkward about it. I've made several attempts but so far none succeeded.
- I love talking and sharing something personal with you cause you always have something good to say, something far from the typical "Sabar ya,", something that makes sense, something that I need to hear.
- What I see is, you're pretty. Even when you say you're having a bad hair day. It's funny how you not even slightly think that you are. But I guess that's also what makes you pretty.
- Sometimes I feel like you don't pay enough attention to what I'm saying. But nonetheless, for me you're still my best friend, a nice person to talk to, and the one I'll turn to when something big, good or bad, is happening to me.
- It's amazing that no matter how cheesy a story is, as long as you laugh when it's told, it counts as a good one. That's how great your laugh is.
- You're unique, and your uniqueness is the kind of unique I like. And it's cool how you managed to keep it that way.
- I think you're probably a genius. If yes, it's awesome how someone can be genius and witty at the same time.
- I have faith in you, I know you'll be great whatever it is that you're doing. So don't mind their sayings, go for your dream.
- I love the way you talk and write. I think you're cool and I like it how sharing something unfortunate with you can be so fun.
- Somehow I miss how close we used to be. I want to share stories with you but our current distance kinda hold me back from telling literally everything.
- I never know I can be friends with you. Hanging out with you gives me a different kind of fun.
- I did feel bad. But however I don't regret doing what I did cause talking and joking the way we do now is so much better than how things were before. You're great.
- The way you are is funny. It makes me feel like I have to be dependable when you're around.
- What you say is rarely what I want to hear. But I like being your friend, and I like it how what you type always sounds so friendly.
- Seeing you makes me feel optimistic in a weird way. I feel like if you can get there, so can I. The thought of you getting there first is annoying, but it makes me run faster.
Which one is yours?
Ten to One
Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to People
1. "Oh kabar gue juga baik, gue di stei itb sekarang hehe lo?"
2. "I'm on the subway, will meet you up in five."
3. "Hey wanna meet up and just talk? Great. Yeah, the usual place. Is eight good? Nice. Okay, bye~"
4. "Your outfit is ugly."
5. "You're so gay."
6. "Your loss, not mine."
7. "Lo liat muka gue. Ada ga gue peduli?"
8. "I brought my car, don't worry about me."
9. "I'm going shopping. This client at work is impossible."
10. "You just made the biggest mistake of your life. You'll regret it."
Nine things about myself
1. I can't stand songs with low bit-rate. They're irritating.
2. I can't cook but I'd love to learn how to.
3. In a hurry, it only take me approximately 3 minutes to get ready to go out.
4. I have weird fascination over Vaseline's petroleum jelly.
5. I wanna try staying at an apartment by myself for a few months.
6. I don't mind going out by myself. No, actually I like it.
7. I really really want to redecorate my room.
8. I want to live abroad.
9. I pick chocolate milk over the plain one.
Eight ways to win my heart
1. Have cool taste of music.
2. Count loose long talks at a coffee shop as a precious moment.
3. Ask me on a random day out, wherever, doing nothing. And make it fun.
4. Have sushi and frozen yogurt with me.
5. Write something for or about me.
6. Surprise me with something nice, and sweet.
7. Cook something that's meant only for me.
8. Tell me something that you know about me that I don't know you do know.
Seven things that cross my mind a lot:
1. Usm itb and other uni exams.
2. My weight.
3. Marshall Eriksen.
4. Tweeting and blogging.
5. Cola.
6. Frozen yogurt.
7. Me.
Six things I do before I fall asleep
1. Salat al 'Isha.
2. Wash my face, sometimes brush my teeth.
3. Prepare school's stuff for tomorrow.
4. Turn the lights off.
5. Stare at the ceiling.
6. Listen to music.
Five places I want to visit
1. New York.
2. German.
3. McLaren's Bar.
4. Beach in winter.
5. My future home.
Four things I'm wearing right now
1. White tee.
2. Black shorts.
3. Green sandals.
4. Undies.
Three bands that I listen to often (Currently)
1. The Beatles.
2. Arctic Monkeys.
3. The 88.
Two things I want to do before I die
1. Make a big career achievement.
2. Build a beautiful house with my partner somewhere sweet.
One confession
1. Usually I hate sharing earphones, it limits my space of movements.
1. "Oh kabar gue juga baik, gue di stei itb sekarang hehe lo?"
2. "I'm on the subway, will meet you up in five."
3. "Hey wanna meet up and just talk? Great. Yeah, the usual place. Is eight good? Nice. Okay, bye~"
4. "Your outfit is ugly."
5. "You're so gay."
6. "Your loss, not mine."
7. "Lo liat muka gue. Ada ga gue peduli?"
8. "I brought my car, don't worry about me."
9. "I'm going shopping. This client at work is impossible."
10. "You just made the biggest mistake of your life. You'll regret it."
Nine things about myself
1. I can't stand songs with low bit-rate. They're irritating.
2. I can't cook but I'd love to learn how to.
3. In a hurry, it only take me approximately 3 minutes to get ready to go out.
4. I have weird fascination over Vaseline's petroleum jelly.
5. I wanna try staying at an apartment by myself for a few months.
6. I don't mind going out by myself. No, actually I like it.
7. I really really want to redecorate my room.
8. I want to live abroad.
9. I pick chocolate milk over the plain one.
Eight ways to win my heart
1. Have cool taste of music.
2. Count loose long talks at a coffee shop as a precious moment.
3. Ask me on a random day out, wherever, doing nothing. And make it fun.
4. Have sushi and frozen yogurt with me.
5. Write something for or about me.
6. Surprise me with something nice, and sweet.
7. Cook something that's meant only for me.
8. Tell me something that you know about me that I don't know you do know.
Seven things that cross my mind a lot:
1. Usm itb and other uni exams.
2. My weight.
3. Marshall Eriksen.
4. Tweeting and blogging.
5. Cola.
6. Frozen yogurt.
7. Me.
Six things I do before I fall asleep
1. Salat al 'Isha.
2. Wash my face, sometimes brush my teeth.
3. Prepare school's stuff for tomorrow.
4. Turn the lights off.
5. Stare at the ceiling.
6. Listen to music.
Five places I want to visit
1. New York.
2. German.
3. McLaren's Bar.
4. Beach in winter.
5. My future home.
Four things I'm wearing right now
1. White tee.
2. Black shorts.
3. Green sandals.
4. Undies.
Three bands that I listen to often (Currently)
1. The Beatles.
2. Arctic Monkeys.
3. The 88.
Two things I want to do before I die
1. Make a big career achievement.
2. Build a beautiful house with my partner somewhere sweet.
One confession
1. Usually I hate sharing earphones, it limits my space of movements.
What Sounds Easy When It Actually Isn't
You have to know when to stop. When to stop giving a crap.
It's when something won't do you any good, if not eating you slowly alive.
It's when something is none of your business and getting involved won't offer you any benefits anyway.
It's when something is a lot less important than what you actually hold in hands--but you're too busy giving a crap to recognise it.
It's when you're carried away by your emotions and inevitably losing touch with being logical.
It's when keeping your thought to yourself is not that easy.
It's when you're not in control of your own happiness and wrath and you're not even aware of that.
It's that stupid thing you hardheadedly hold on to though the world screams "LET IT GO!" to you, in caps lock.
It's when something won't do you any good, if not eating you slowly alive.
It's when something is none of your business and getting involved won't offer you any benefits anyway.
It's when something is a lot less important than what you actually hold in hands--but you're too busy giving a crap to recognise it.
It's when you're carried away by your emotions and inevitably losing touch with being logical.
It's when keeping your thought to yourself is not that easy.
It's when you're not in control of your own happiness and wrath and you're not even aware of that.
It's that stupid thing you hardheadedly hold on to though the world screams "LET IT GO!" to you, in caps lock.
"Other far more exciting stuffs are on their way.They're getting there. As soon as they can.
Be patient please."
Be patient please."
Shot by Rachmat Lianda
Some Days Are Just Different
Since I'm a big fan of pictures, I'll leave you with some.
The best thing about this trip is the perfect timing. Stresses are out and I'm ready for school (but not midterm), people's faces starting to be blurry anyways, got to see them soon!
And hey, how's your holiday?
A Quick Hi
I went to buy a cake for my 23-year-old brother earlier tonight.
I'd like to keep on but this got to be short cause I'm having a bit of neck situation here. Tilting my head is not that easy right now, pffh. Well anyways, have a nice end of September people!
P.S. Will type more soon :-)
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